As a child, we are told that it’s okay to be scared. There
are night-lights in our bedrooms, parent’s beds to crawl in after scary dreams,
and a Babar (my teddy bear) to hold. Unfortunately, as we grow older,
there are no tricks to help with the scary reality of “real life.” The first reality test
for many is leaving home. For me, this was at 18 when I left for college. I craved independence,
new challenges, and the thought of no curfew. Bekah, my
roommate/incredible friend, and I used this to our full advantage. That
meant late night doughnut runs, weekends of doing nothing but watching One
Tree Hill, and most importantly, taking a road trip to West Virginia to get
a chocolate lab/new roommate, Daisy. Soon all of that ended, and I was
tested with the reality of leaving behind school and joining the “working
world.” Scary. Yet I came to enjoy my new life in Charlotte and absolutely loved my job at the
Charlotte Symphony. I had a fantastic team and amazing kids! They were
all hard to say goodbye to when I moved to New England.
Now, in Boston I feel like I’ve been tested in unimaginable ways, not only mentally and intellectually, but also spiritually and personally. The reason I moved to Boston, my passion to use music as a tool to strengthen communities, is also my struggle. I say I’ve struggled because often times I am scared by own vision. I’ve noticed that theoretically I can talk about what I hope to see change, but the actual “doing it” part is far more intimidating. Recently, when speaking with a Venezuelan administrator he said something very powerful to me, “Just stop worrying. It’ll come. If it is in your heart, you will find a way. Just encourage your heart.” Encourage my heart? The only person who had every said this to me was Greg Kandel, our Arts Nonprofit professor and arts consultant. I was stunned by the same message. Was fear written all over my face? Probably, and yet I’ve decided a little fear isn’t a bad thing. In my childhood, I had safety, my night-light, parents, and Babar. As I grew older, I maintained this safety net through amazing, supportive friends, family, colleagues, and also the music. Sometimes we need our heart to be scared in order to become courageous enough to try.
Continue reading on my personal blog.
Sistema Fellow '13